Warning...this post may either offend, provoke, incite or at the very least make you squirm in your seat or it will have you nodding vigorously in agreement, empathy and solidarity.
So to my question.
WTF is it with Elves phenomena?
As in your child's own personal elf.
An absolutely repugnant concept that has sprouted wings, multiplied like the plagues of biblical times and spread through the South (I can't speak for the rest of the country, only what I observe in my red neck of the woods.)
What has possessed otherwise sane, grounded people to add one more ridiculous "tradition" to the Christmas season.
Ahem...excuse me.
Check the timing.
911.....economy in shambles...enter Madison Avenue Money Monger...stage right (rubbing hands gleefully)
Sales in the toilet, consumer confidence waning? Why....we'll give the people something playful and lighthearted to take their minds off the tragedy of the day and to pad our meager pockets. It's all in good fun. An Elf. Santa exceeded our wildest imaginations, elves are the perfect counterpoint to our pyramid plan. We'll guilt the parents into it, peer pressure from the kids classmates. They're small, cute, mischevious, who can resist the magic? Why you'd be a SCROOGE to do so!
BAH HUMBUG...that's what I say and so........................
Today I snapped.
Bambam climbed into Big Red at carpool today with tears pooling in his eyes.
'Mommy....all of my classmates have an elf. Why don't I have an elf...have I been a bad boy? Peyton's elf toilet papered his bathroom and left him glitter and a new stuffed animal on his bed. Travis' elf hid his shoes under the bed and there was candy and a star wars action figure in them when he found them. Everyone has one but me." (head in hands sobbing)
I pulled the car over into the nearest neighborhood, got out of the car, climbed in back and hugged him and his brother, good and hard and then I did it. I told him the truth. Here's the conversation as best as I can recall.
"Honey, what your friends think are elves, are just their parents playing tricks on them."
'Why mommy...why would they do that?? Are there really no elves?"
"It's called peer pressure"
(Notice my total sidestepping of the question of the reality of elves. I'm sure there's a psychological term for this, but it escapes me)
"What's THAT?"
"It's when people try to make you do things you don't want to do because they don't want to feel bad about themselves ."
"Why would the parents feel bad, Mommy"
"Because the world can be a sad place and they think buying things for their kids will make them happy"
"Well...I'm happy when I get a new toy!!! Can we go to SuperTarget?"
Let me ask you something sweetie....what was the last toy I bought you at SuperTarget??
(long, lengthy pause and pondering....okay, now we return now to our regularily scheduled programming)
"uhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm....I don't remember"
"You don't remember? Then it must not have made you very happy"
(longer pause)
"Let me ask you something else. What do elves or toys or playing tricks on you, what does any of that have to do with Christmas?"
(silence)
"What do you think Christmas is about?"
"Well duh mom, it's about Jesus coming to earth to love us and teach us."
"Right you are sweetie, you are one sharp cookie. Do elves love us and teach us?"
"Nope...they just make a mess....but they do give you candy and stuff."
"Well there's that, but I give you candy and stuff."
"(snort) SOMETIMES!!!"
"So I have an idea.....how about we pretend to be elves for each other? We'll do nice things instead of mean things for each other and we won't tell who did it until Christmas day. Does that sound like a plan?"
"COOOOOOOOL........I'm going to start thinkin of stuff to do right now"
"That sounds great...but just on other thing and this is going to be hard. You can't tell any of your friends what I just told you."
"Why mommy?"
"Because I'm not their parent honey and it's not my job or your job to tell them what to believe or what not to believe. "
(pause)
"Okay......but can I still have some candy?"
Problem solved at least for today.
We shall see what the morrow shall bring.
6 comments:
two things.
1) you are a wonderful mother. Much more wonderful than me. I bow down to your amazing motherly wisdom. That 'what is Christmas really about' thing and then the 'let's just do nice things and not tell each other' thing. Scathingly brilliant in a Wonder-Mom way.
2) Please review the title of your previous post and tell me who came again? to your house? who exactly? oh. yeah. that's right. the elves did. 'nuff said.
Ouch! Wendy stop trying to knock me off my high horse. First of all it takes a lot for me to get on a horse. I don't like them. At All. Also I'm paranoid about heights, they make me want to throw up. So it took a lot for me to get up on the darn thing. Nuff said!
I think you handled it really well.
Never heard of these Christmas elves doing goofy things pre-Christmas. Are the elves only visiting the houses that throw $10M bat mitzvahs and the Sweet Sixteen parties you see on MTV?
I find it funny that your next post is titled, "The decorating elf."
;-)
(And yeah, I just saw that Wendy already pointed this out... but I swear I noticed it before I read her comment. Honest!)
But kudos for you handling that so wisely! This is why I don't have kids. I would be like, "Elves shmelves. Go clean your room." Or something equally inane and parent-y.
Youre my favorite mom in the world!
Love you!
I would have ruined that wonderful moment with evil atheist comments. ;)
You are wonderful and you deserve to climb on that horse. I'll help you up!
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