My Twelve Stressors of Christmas

Blech

I hate shopping and I especially hate shopping at Christmas

But tomorrow, my mother in law takes me and her other daughter in law and now this year her daughter as well on our annual pilgrimage to the Premium Outlet Mall where we go manno manno with the masses.

Shopping is just one of my long and varied list of stressors, almost all of it self-inflicted I might add.

Why yes doctor, I'll lie down on your pretty brown corinthian leather couch...thank you very much!

We shall begin my recitation of the 12 Stressors of Christmas when you are ready.

1. CROWDS Crowds stress me out. They stomp on my feet, elbow me, are rude, crude and socially unacceptable. Fine, fine...there were crowds at the first Christmas (kudos to Wen for connecting the dots on that one) but crushed toes and bruised ribs still don't facilitate my Christmas Spririt

2. MONEY I don't have enough of it and what I have I want to tuck away like a little squirrel hiding her nuts in the fall.

3. SPENDING Spending money on gifts that I'm not sure anyone will like, want or appreciate just pisses me off.

4. GIFTS I love to make things, but there are certain members of my family who don't consider this an appropriate gift. So in my normal non holiday frame of mind, I'd say screw it and coal for you, but it's Christmas, so I don't say bad things and tuck my evil words away with my money nuts. Eating my words, BAD. Makes me want to eat lots of butter cookies...also BAD!

5. WINTER The change in season, colder, shorter, sunless days puts me in a big funk. I think I must be one of those SADD people cause I really struggle at about 5pm everyday and of course that's when the boys are gearing up for their daily post school meltdown.

6. TRAVEL I love to visit my folks in Florida after Christmas. I just don't like the laundry, packing, planning and the 9 hour drive each way it entails.

7. CARDS I didn't do them last year. Now mind you, I made 50 of them last year, but after that Herculean effort I couldn't psyche myself up to address, sign, stamp and mail them. I'm thinking no cards again this year.

8. PARTIES Office parties, spending time with people I'd rather not...check. Family parties...see office parties, not quite as bad....they just make me sad...check.

9. DECORATIONS Somewhere, in a time long long ago when I didn't have kids for the first EIGHT years of my marriage, I amassed a huge collection of holiday decorations that I guilt myself into putting up every year. I LOVE them once they're up. I LOATHE getting them up and getting them down.

10. MUSIC. Love What Child is This? How often do you hear it? Never, except if you're in church. No, it endless replays of "The Christmas Shoes" and all others of it's genre. I swear I can't push the buttons fast enough on the radio when that drivel floats through my speakers. Note to self...go buy Harry Connick Christmas Music CD and keep the radio off...check.

11. FOOD. It's everywhere, in your face, all the time, unrelenting. This year I rejoined WW as a way to try and counter the attack of the food pushing friends and co-workers. I'll let you know if my plan was successful.

12. FAMILY Like everyone else, this time of year makes me think, too much probably, of all the people who are no longer in my life through death, divorce, separation, etc. And I have weepy little Hallmark commercial moments at the drop of the hat, anywhere, anytime. I've started carrying a big wad of tissues in my purse and in my car precisely for this reason.

And that concludes our session for today. Please see the receptionist on the way out for your bill. and leave the box of Kleenex for the next patient.

Oh and for those who would point me back to my previous post about what I resolve this Christmas. Don't! I went back and read it again myself.

I read it several times a day. I chant it like a Tibetan monk on a mountaintop monastery. I'm trying, I really AM trying to keep my focus. But sometimes I miss the mark widely and wildly. Sadly I shall never levitate.

I'm venting here. If you want to help...... send a cookie. Or on second thought, don't send a cookie, see number 11 above.

Just nod your head and pat mine in empathy and all will be well.