Fat as a Foil

HUH?

Let me elaborate.

For the past 6 years I have been gaining weight on the average of 5 pounds a year. And in chatting with Wen last night I shared that 6 years ago, something happened at my local grocery store that rocked my world.

I had my two babes with me. Bambam was 3, Thumper was barely 1.

I was in a checkout line. I had a brief casual conversation with a man behind me along the lines of "Yes, I like Boars Head better than store brand because there are no fillers" type of back and forth.

I wrote my check, gathered my bags and proceeded to my car, babes in tow.

I loaded my purchases in the trunk, strapped my babes in their car seats, turned to get in my car and

....there he was, at my CAR!!! The man behind me in line.

He tried to make conversation. But I was having none of it. My women's intuition kicked into high gear and I bolted. Slammed the locks down and peeled off.

Hello. I'm sorry. You don't follow a woman with two children to her car.

NOT normal.

That one event was certainly not the all encompassing reason for my weight gain.

But subconsciously, on a maternal level, it was MY catalyst.

My thought process?? I won't be attractive. I put my children at risk. This can't happen again.

The outcome?? I wrapped, clothed, sheathed, defended myself with a layer of fat. My fat as a foil, if you will.

BUT, my thought process was not perfect...go figure.

The weight gain made me tired and depressed and feeling sick. For a former athlete, feeling unhealthy was a red flag for me. I HATE feeling rundown and not having the energy to play or keep up with my kiddos.

Those who know me well and have seen me in action, know I am a big kid at heart, ie the first one down in the grass inspecting an inchworm or playing a game of freeze tag or singing nonsensical lyrics at the TOP of my lungs.

And when I would not, could not do this anymore....I took action.

I've slimmed down, people are noticing, complimenting...... and that....that scares me.

I don't want people to look at me, notice me, compliment me.

That one event, when the boys were young, shook me so hard, I don't know how to recover.

But I also know, if I can't work through this issue, all the good I am doing for my body now, will be fleeting.

I don't want fleeting.

I'd really like to dance with my boys at their weddings.