The Candy Caper

or "How I lost my candy because I tried to outwit my parents: A Tale in Two Parts"

TALE of the First Part

Halloween has come and gone and all that remains for my little goblins are:

1) Two ghoul masks with the remnants of fake blood drying within their drip chambers

The masks are on the back porch lying on the table. They freak Jake the dog out and the kids are not allowed to wear them around him. Or me for that matter. They freak me out too. But Dad thought they were "cool" so set one to Dad.

2) 15 pounds, yes you read that right!!! FIFTEEN freakin pounds of potential insulin shock, rotting teeth and hyperactivity all packaged in very pretty and colorful wrappings.

The candy is underneath our bed and here is where the REAL story picks up.

So we get home VERY late from trick or treating. We all had a GRAND time. No seriously. The kids walked about 3 miles through every street of our sprawling neighborhood, collected one massive haul of goodies and had a night of plundering with their friends, dubbed "The Boys in Black" because every single one of them wore some ghoulish black get up.

We have found that the oldest will trick or treat as long as he looks "Cool" and not like a "baby"

Did I mention he's 11?

Of course the 9 year old had to follow suit.

Ah the dynamics of sibling rivalry!

But back to the candy.

So we get home, it's too late to sort the loot, we're all wiped out so I told the boys to leave the candy in the trunk and we would go through it when they got home from school.

Everyone falls into bed exhausted.

(fade to black)

TALE of the Second Part

The next morning, the ghouls? I had to blast them out of bed.

Of course we are running late because we overslept.

The boys did manage to beat their dad to the car though and got their bookbags and instruments loaded into the trunk.

I wave them off and then proceed to do what I do every morning, which is to run around and turn off all the lights in the house.

NOW

I had ALREADY been down in the basement once that morning to turn off the table lamps they had left on ALL night long.

(Yes, Hi Georgia Power? Do you have some kind of gizmo that I can attach to the lights in the house, you know something with an audio feature that will PROMPT the turning off of lights? I'm thinking of something along the lines of "HEY we're not made of money here. Turn the lights off or I'm taking away your TV privileges!" No? You don't have ANYTHING like that? Well all I can say is that you are missing a PRIME marketing opportunity! Hello? Hello?)

Sorry, I digressed. You still with me?

anywhoo, I am turning off all the lights and I see that the lights are on in the basement AGAIN!

So...grumble, grumble, stomp, stomp (see I can out teen a teen!) down the steps I go again.

SEQUE TO LUNCH

I get a call form my hubby unit telling me he is at home and has opened the trunk of his car to take the candy out and low and behold the candy, it has disappeared, vanished, without a trace.

DH thinks the kids have stashed it in their bookbags and taken it to school.

I tell him no way they could get away with 15 pounds of candy in their book bags. While the bags are GINORMOUS even they could not hold that AND books.

DH...he is not happy. That sneaky stuff drives him nuts. I tell him he needs to take a chill pill and learn to laugh, because if he doesn't? There will not be enough high blood pressure meds in the world to deal with the teenage years.

SEQUE TO DRIVE TO CARPOOL

LIGHTBULB moment!

That light being on AGAIN in the basement? Those little stinkers took the candy and stashed it in the basement while we were running around upstairs that morning!

So I make a detour home, go downstairs and SURE ENOUGH, there it sits in all it's bulging glory in the closet.

HAH! Set Two to Mommy (for those of you keeping score at home)

Seeing a golden opportunity for some mischief of my own, I take the candy, stash it under my bed and pick up the kids as usual.

The kid get home and of course the FIRST thing they want to do is PLAY in the basement.

HEE!

"Sure guys, you deserve a little downtime now that football season is over. I'll give you an hour!"

Cheers all around as they race to "play"

THEN SILENCE!

BWAHAHAHAHA

"What the? HUH?"

Thundering feet back upstairs.

"Uhmmm, Mom. We have something to tell you. You know our Halloween candy? Well. Uhm. We took it out of the trunk and hid it in the basement because we didn't want DADDY to eat it all! And NOW it's GONE! Do YOU know where it is?"

Serene smile from Mom

Silence

(Game, set and MATCH to Mommy)

MORAL OF THE STORY: Mommy really DOES have eyes in the bak of her head.

THE END